Lost In The Ice
by ReleaseThroughWriting
Summary: "This is all your fault!" I screeched, and right away I wish I could have taken it back, because the look of pure hurt and pain on Elsa's face made my heart break even more. {Prequel to 'Can't Live Like This Anymore'. Incest. Modern AU}
1. Chapter 1

I grabbed my sister's hand and twirled her around. "Come on, Els!"

"Oh you- OH!" she gasped when I dipped her, giggling like a little kid. "You know I don't dance!"

We were at at party. Elsa's first party, in fact, and I was so excited to show her what life as a teenager is like. "We used to dance all the time when we were little, remember? " We stopped, meeting eyes. "We would dance to mom's weird CDs and jump around." I felt someone bump into me from behind. "Hey!" I shrieked, automatically throwing an elbow back. "There!"

She chuckled softly, glancing away.

And I couldn't help but notice the joy in her eyes.

_And how attractive she is._

My stomach turned a little, but I was able to push down the thought.

_She's my sister. _

The look of happiness was only in Elsa's eyes for a second before vanishing. "There are a lot of people here."

"You're changing the subject silly." It was meaning to be a joke, but it fell flat when I noticed how red her face was. "Elsa? Are... are you okay?"

She was breathing heavy. "It's all so over whelming. I'm not used to this. But I'm okay. What were you saying?" Elsa's words came out in huffs of breath, but I just smiled at her.

"Come on. Let's go outside and continue this conversation on the porch," I grinned and slipped my hand into hers. Once I touched her skin, electric excitement jolted through my system, and I sighed. That had been happening more and more, when ever I touched her, or sometimes when I looked at her, it was always the same feeling; electric, and then it would all of a sudden get hot.

I tugged at my collar as I pulled her through the crowd of people and beers. "Is it hot in here?"

I was hoping she hadn't heard.

She did.

This time Elsa full out laughed, and when I looked back at her, she had the biggest smile on her face. "You say that a lot, silly!"

I didn't respond.

I was lucky she was so naïve.

We reached the front door as a drunken Hans stumbled towards us. "G-Girls! Hey! Where you goin'?"

I didn't even try to hide my disgust. "We just need some air, Hans."

He leaned closer to me and I swiftly pushed him away. I had broken up with him over six months ago and he still hasn't let it go.

The shove didn't stop him.

Before I could react, he quickly leaned in and had his lips up to my ear.

"Why'd you go, babe?"

I pushed myself away from him and dragged Elsa out the door, tears stinging my eyes.

_I can't tell you._

_I can't tell anyone._

We got half way to the car when Elsa pulled me to a stop. "Whoa! Whoa, there, Anna!" I wanted to keep going, I want to leave Elsa and go be alone to not think. "What's going on? Who is that guy?"

_Right._

"I'll explain in the car. Can... can we please just go?" She must have seen the pain on my face, because she nodded slightly and started walking with me towards the car.

_This is not how I wanted the night to go._

We got in the car.

_This was supposed to be about her._

I started the car, and I could see Elsa looking at me out of the corner of my eye.

_But I ruined it. I let my emotions take over._

"Are you alright?" she said quietly.

_No._

I took a deep breath.

_Conceal, don't feel._

"He was my boyfriend for a while. He was sweet at first, but turned out to be a total jerk. We broke up six months ago but he hasn't let it go."

She looked sad. "Oh. Well I can already tell that you're too good for him."

Despite my emotions, I smile, thankful that I have a sister like Elsa. "Thanks, Els."

She smiled back, and then the joy I saw earlier was back. "Now, let's go get some food! I'm starved."

_I'm lucky to have a sister like Elsa._

_A sister._

_She is my sister. _

_I am so screwed._


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up to big, blue eyes staring down at me.

"Good morning, sleepy head."

_Oh God, those blue eyes..._

I then realized the situation and sat up in record speed, nearly missing her nose with my forehead. "ELSA, WHAT-"

She jerked back, confusion sweeping across her face, making those blue eyes wrinkle. "Whoa, slow down, Anna! It's okay! I just came in to wake you up. It's almost noon. I- I hope I'm not intruding..."

My heart race slowed a bit, relief flooding my system.

_She wasn't here all night. Good. I didn't screw it up._

"I-I-" I shaking out my bedhead, running a hand through my hair. "You're not intruding. It's alright." I smile. "Good morning."

She smiled brightly back at me. "How are you feeling? You got pretty... reckless last night.

_Oh._

_Now I remember._

After we got home from a late night McDonald's run, I dragged her into the kitchen. Our parents were both faced asleep.

"Let's get this party started," I whispered with a smirk on my face. I hadn't had a chance to have anything to drink at the party, and after the scene that just happened, I needed to calm my nerves.

Elsa shook her head. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

I reached into the liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels. "Come on, Els. It'll be fun!"

And the rest was a blur.

I pulled myself out of thoughts. "Oh," I chuckled. "Yeah I did... sorry."

She giggled. "Oh, don't apologize! After the scene with Hans, I don't blame you."

Real fear entered my head, but I didn't let it show when I asked, "Did I do anything stupid or weird last night?" I all of a sudden felt my hangover. It came all in one wave, and I could barely sit up.

Elsa quickly grabbed a pillow from the floor and placed it on my bed. "Here. Lie down. And no, you didn't. You end up being super hyper and then crashing on the floor. I had a drag you to bed." She laughed. "Basically last night was just a flashback to when we were kids. I was responsible and you talked to the paintings on the wall."

"Hey!" I teased, sticking my tongue out at her. "I was so responsible!"

Her eyes shone bright with happiness as we laughed. "You were about as responsible as I was social! And I don't think anything has changed."

I stopped laughing.

_Was she talking about herself as well?_

She noticed my concern, and stopped, eyes questioning. "What..." Pause. "Oh! Oh my God, Anna! No I did not mean me! Goodness! I'm better now! Trust me." When I didn't believe her, and leaned in and gave me the best hug I've ever had. I took in a deep breath, for the first time noticing her scent.

_She smells like perfection._

I jerk away from the hug, pushing her back slightly. I couldn't let my stupid, reckless thoughts. I had to just keep trying to forget them, and Elsa's wonderful hugs aren't helping. "Sorry. I'm..." I sighed. "I'm not feeling great. I'm gonna get some more sleep. Tell mom and dad I'm sick?"

I could tell she was hurt, my sudden coldness confusing her, but she just nodded. "Sure. Feel better." She quietly walked out of my room and closed the door.

I felt like crying.

I got up about 2 hours later. I had spent that time waiting for my headache too subside and trying to figure out what to do about Elsa. It was something I can't understand not matter how much I've tried. _She's my sister. _It's sick. It's wrong. The more I thought about it, the more the aching in my stomach grew. So I decided to stop thinking all together.

_Conceal._

A knock on my door startled me out of my thought process.

"Anna? You up yet?"

_Don't feel._

"Yeah I'm up. Come on in."

_Put on a show._

The door opened slightly and I saw blonde hair before anything. "Hey, Elsa."

She smiled a little, probably nervous that'll snap at her. "How are you feeling now?"

_Elsa, you have no idea._

"I'm alright now. My headache has gone down a bit, which is good. I'm actually kind of hungry," I say with a smirk. I'm actually in the mood for chocolate."

She raised an eyebrow at me. "Aren't you always in the mood for chocolate?"

_Not always._

_I like other things to._

_Like blonde hair and blue eyes._

Silence filled the room for a minute, and then Elsa cleared her throat. "I'm sorry about earlier. I know you don't like being touched."

_I don't mind you touching me._

I felt a sharp pain in my head and I winced.

Concern spread across my sister's face right away. "Are you okay?" she asked softly.

_No._

"Yeah. I'm fine."


	3. Chapter 3

Elsa dragged me out of the house a half and hour later, her in a cute sundress and me in jeans and a t-shirt. I made a conscious decision to wear a shirt the same shade of blue as her little dress.

"Can we go?"

"What?" I was startled. For the first time in forever, I had missed what she was saying to me, and I scolded myself for it.

_Pay attention to her, dummy!_

She didn't seem bothered by my incompetence. "I SAAAIIDD, can we go to the zoo? I've never been there before and I've heard that it's fun!"

_Since when did I become the older sister?_

I sighed.

_Don't sigh! You would love to take her to the zoo!_

"Yes. Yes I would love to go to the zoo!"

_Tone down the enthusiasm, will you? You're lucky she can't read people or else she would be back in her room again, this time for good, hatred and confusion coursing through her veins and-_

"Are you alright?" Elsa asked, eyes big, concern swimming.

I smiled meekly at her, trying to push my thought away. "My mind is a dangerous place. I swear it's trying to kill me." It was meant to be a joke, but it fell flat because it's too true to joke about.

_You're lucky... you're lucky... _

She was skeptical, but she didn't press on any further. "So the zoo?" she said shakily.

I nodded. "Yeah let's go." I threw a smile on my face. "I don't know about you, but I'm ready to see some penguins."

That made her giggle.

_You need to watch what you say from now on. She's catching on to your issues._

We jumped in my car and just as I was about to start it, Elsa placed a small kiss on my cheek.

_Concealconcealconcealgoddammitconceal_

"Thank you for agreeing to hang out with me. Coming out of my shell would have been impossible without your help, and I'm so thankful for that."

_I love you._

"I'm glad I could help. You're my sister and I wanted to be close to you like we were when we were little."

_More. _

She sighed. "I did too. You have no idea how much it killed me to hear you having a life without me."

_I want more than our childhood._

"But I just couldn't," she continued. "I was... I am..." she stopped, searching for the right words. "I wasn't able to handle it. Ever since..." Pause. "It was just... difficult."

I was confused. There was something else she was hiding, but I didn't push. I just got her back. I couldn't wreck it now. Not now, not ever. "I understand. That's why I tried so hard to get you back. I needed you back in my life." I took a breath. "And when you shut me out again in the middle of our breakthrough, I thought I was going to lose it. I could barely handle all of it emotionally, but I can't even imagine what it was like for you." I giggled softly, trying to lighten the mood.

_I can imagine it, and it looks like hell. _

She giggled with me. "Yeah it was hell."

My heart skipped a beat.

_Can she read my mind?_

"I didn't choose to shut you out, though. You understand that, right?"

_W-what?_

"W-what?"

She sighed. "It was getting to the point where I couldn't control myself in any kind of social situation. I had to be almost always alone or else I would have a panic attack. Mom and dad were worried that I would... they were worried for me."

Wait... "Why do you keep doing that?"

That surprised her, and for a second she looked completely terrified, but quickly regained her composure. "Doing what?"

"You... you keep starting a sentence and then changing it."

The fear came back to her face, but this time it stuck. "I-I... I don't know..."

I knew that Elsa was hiding something, but I didn't want to push and scare her away from me. "Alright. Now how about that zoo?"

That wiped the look off her face and replaced it with a smile. "Let's go see those penguins."

_x_

_Why did I agree to do this?_

The zoo was packed. Kids and ugly adults swarmed the park with their loud chatter and rude manners. I had already been bumped 6 times without even an acknowledgment but the time we made it to the penguins.

"Oh look at them!"

_Oh right._

_That's why I'm here._

I smiled at Elsa, her face lit up with excitement. "They are cute, aren't they?"

We watched as one of the little birds came right up to the glass and looked at her with such intensity.

"Um, Elsa? Making a new friend?" 

She jerked away from the penguin, a blush running over her face. "I like... anything to do with ice." It was a weird confession, but I brushed it off as Elsa quirkiness and moved on.

"What other animals do you want to see?"

I swear her smile turned into a sexy grin as she said, "You."

_Wait, what?_

"I said, the flamingos! Come on!" She grabbed my hand and jerked me towards the flamingos.

_What is wrong with me?_

_Am I losing my mind?_


End file.
